This is a mostly vent area for me- I'm going thru it rn so if you aren't in the right headspace for sad vibes pls click off!

I need something and I don't know what

January 31, 2024

  • Somethings wrong with me and I don't know what will help. I feel like I can't do anything I need to.
  • I keep having breakdowns and feeling awful, I wan't to finish things and I can't. It's like my body is too exhausted to be
  • what I want. I just want to be proud of myself and I hate feeling like I'm losing time. I need to change my medication
  • I hope its just that

no rest

January 25, 2024

  • I'm so upset, the dishwasher hasn't worked since before I moved in in August, now the fridge isn't working. I gained
  • weight and I hate how I look. I feel worse, I never have time for things I want or need. Theres something about living
  • in this world that gives you pain in ways you've never known. I feel useless and hopeless, I have no money and less
  • prospects. I don't know what to do I can only try even though it feels pointless.
  • I'm gonna try to excersize or something, I'll buy a fridge and dishwasher and my landlord can get a watch
  • im going to bed


January 22, 2024

  • The other day I was thinking about how astronauts can see all the lights we turn on from the ISS, I thought about how
  • they said things like war and strife seem so meaningless when you see the beauty of the earth and the specks of light
  • glittering across our home. Each light looks like a little star pointing to a life you might never know. I thought of how
  • North Korea is dark at night, and it hurts to think that people snuff out these stars. Palestine has lost so many souls,
  • it hurts to know people don't see their life as meaningful and unique. I worry that people only care about white lives...
  • I wish I could do more, even if we took every Palestinian in and gave them a home elsewhere they would still be in pain.
  • They would still be ripped from their homes and culture.I'm not religious but I pray for Palestine.


January 5, 2024

  • I started driving for uber yesterday and I got a lady who wanted to be driven over 3 hours away @ 6pm but I did it
  • and I got $180 for the drive! and today I got taco bell for me and my roommate and the little old lady who
  • works there recognized me and gave me a sweet smile with my burrito it seems so small but it made me think about
  • why I started dressing in kidcore; It makes me happy, and I like how other people smile when they see me I think I've
  • been too harsh on myself lately and maybe just need to focus on what can make me truly happy. I'll work on stuff I want
  • to make on a schedule that doesn't stress me out and stop all the negative self talk until next time void!

VENTi Expresso

December 28, 2023

  • urghhrhgrhhr I'm so exhausted, mentally, physically and finanically...
  • I guess the thing about being well known in online circles is this weird feeling of pressure to appear "on brand" cause I'm
  • "Happi" and I'm really trying but I can't be happy all the time
  • ...
  • I'll get better, I just need time. I'm not doing nothing and thats progress even if it doesn't feel like it